I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
