My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
