what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
