I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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