I'm so fucking centered right now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
