he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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