I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
