The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
