Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
