well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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