no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
