And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
