There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
