sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
