I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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