if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
