It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
