Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
