the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
