There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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