Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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