i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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