Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
