if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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