it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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