dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
