There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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