i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
