Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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