Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
