...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
