So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
