I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
