Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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