Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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