The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
