So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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