'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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