I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
