His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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