i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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