I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
