Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The Olympian is in my bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
