What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
