loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Be still, my beating vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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