I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
