The maid of honor just puked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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