she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
