what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
