This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
