so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
