I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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